I bought some Manchego at the store today....

so now is the time for some whine.

I am slowly losing my mind. I don't know if it's hormonal or neurological or psychological or merely inevitable, but I'm losing it.

When I was a child, I used to do this sort of grimace thing with my face when I was excited or anxious...well, that grimace thing has come back, along with another old friend from my childhood, humming. Maeve told me she heard me humming while I was in the bathroom, but I wasn't humming a tune, I was just humming a tone. I don't think I do it to the level that would mean I have Tourette's syndrome, but I do it without being aware of doing it.

I went to see a psychologist and have a basic diagnosis of depression with a side order of obsessive compulsive disorder - except my OCD isn't the kind where you have to clean things all the time, but the kind that makes you hoard stuff and scratch your ears and make weird faces and eat compulsively.

And I can't even let go and enjoy my slide from sanity, because it seems like such a self-indulgent thing to do. I have to keep putting up the pretense that I'm fully functional.

Today, I was working on a bid at work, and I had to call the insurance company for Sio, and I burst into tears of frustration at trying to do two things at once, something I have to do all the time. Well, maybe that wasn't the crazy, maybe that was just PMS.

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