Wedding Planning

So my eldest is engaged and they've picked a date, which is 2 years away. I am slightly astonished at how obsessed I am with wedding planning right now. I can't stop thinking about it. I keep reading Offbeat Bride, I scan through bridal magazines on the rack at the bookstore/grocery store, and Google lace wedding dresses (she wants a lace wedding dress). I have contacted venues and photographers so I plan my budget (I'm not paying for the whole thing, but I am contributing).

Perhaps it's just because I got married because I was pregnant and I didn't know what else to do. I was madly in love, too, but ambivalent about the subject of marriage. When I was in high school, I planned to just have a series of fabulous lovers, never marry, and never have children. The only time I have been more scared than the day I got married was the day I went into labor. I had a brief thought on my way to the hospital that I really didn't want to do what I was about to do, but it's kind of late to do anything about that when you're already 5 cm dilated.

Or maybe it's because I'm in love. And I know he wants to marry me. And I'm still kind of ambivalent about the idea of marriage. But the idea of having a big party with your family and friends to celebrate love is pretty appealing.

Or maybe it's because the news is so depressing (continued war, horrible economy, starving babies in Somalia, etc.) that it's a welcome distraction to look at beautiful spaces and dresses.

Whatever it is, I need to calm the eff down, because it's not my wedding!

Why not?

I asked myself why should I bother posting anything here, but then I thought...why not?

So, quick synopsis:

Sold my house
Moved (incredibly stressful)
still settling in
have a steady, wonderful man in my life (the gentleman from 2 posts back)
kids are awesome, as always
HAPPY

Guess what?

I've been divorced for a year, as of this past Wednesday. That went by quickly.

We also sold our house, our closing is scheduled for March 4th - in only 2 weeks! I have a great new place to live that I will be moving into next week. Things are looking up!

I know, who cares?

Just an update on my last post, which was more than 2 months ago. A week after I posted that, I went out on a date with a very quiet gentleman, and I'm still dating him two months later. I'm pretty fond of him, although sometimes I'm not sure if it's because of him or because he's pretty much the opposite of my ex-husband. But he thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread, and that makes me feel pretty good.

My new dating life

I have officially put my feet in the pool, and I'm dating.


My first date went really spectacularly well, and we're definitely seeing each other again. There was definitely a spark of something there.

I went on a first date with another man this past weekend, and had a good time. Not the same spark, but he was easy to talk to and I would go out with him again...although maybe he wouldn't want to go out with me again, since I haven't heard from him since ! Oh well, I don't even feel bad about being rejected.

I just got off the phone with another man, who appears to be and based on his date of birth is older than me, but I felt like I was talking to a teenager, he sounded so young and he was nervous and giggly - it was actually kind of cute.

I'm kind of rooting for date #1, because I really like him a lot and the more I talk to him the more I like him, but I don't think either one of us are ready to commit to anything serious yet. But who knows?

I've now dated more at age 40 than I did in my teen years all put together.

I should probably just shut this down

But what the heck, I actually have some changes to talk about.

I've been divorced for nearly 8 months now. My therapist and I talked it over and decided I'm doing so well that I don't need to see him anymore. I kind of miss him, though, he thought I was funny.

It's been over a year since my marriage ended, and I decided that it was time to start dating. So I told some friends to keep their eyes open if they knew anyone who might be interested, and I set up a profile on a dating site. A few people contacted me, and I e-mailed back and forth with one of them in particular.

And this past Friday, I went on my first first date since the late 80s.

We decided to meet at a coffee place, and I got there first, and I was so nervous I was literally shaking - needless to say, I did not partake of any coffee.

But when my date arrived, it was so comfortable and not awkward I was surprised, and I relaxed and just had a great time. He was cute and sweet and charming and funny and smart, and we decided to go get dinner, so we left the coffee place. And then we just talked until the restaurant closed.

I think I'm still on a high from that date, and we've planned a second one. I don't know if this is the beginning of something permanent, but I really just want to get out there and have some fun, and this seems like a good place to start.

Where Things Stand

Unfortunately, our buyer withdrew her offer so we are signing a contract with a realtor tonight to list the house for real. That's the bad news. I'm hoping we can sell quickly, I'm so ready to move on and live someplace where my ex-husband doesn't have keys to the house.

It was one year ago today that I started seeing a therapist because I was having so much trouble communicating with Loki - he had become so defensive that he interpreted every statement as an attack. And in about 4 weeks, it will be the anniversary of when I found out he had an internet girlfriend. It's been the fastest year of my life so far.

I've decided that 2011 is going to be my Renaissance year. I'm going to go back to school, have my own place set up the way I like it, and help Maeve be a better student and to better develop all of her gifts.

Wish me the best for a speedy house sale!