Restless

It's not just the name of my favorite season ender of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (well, favorite today, anyway.)

I am feeling twitchy and eager to get away from here. When I'm home, I feel anxious to do something...clean the kitchen, move the furniture, paint the walls, sort the laundry, sweep the floor, throw out a bunch of crap. Instead, I bounce around from TV screen to computer screen, stopping at the refrigerator and pantry to see if there is anything there I want that I didn't notice before.

I am starting to wonder if my ever increasing anxiety is tied to the fact that I recently gave up my lifelong nailbiting habit. I don't know what happened, what changed, but about a month or so ago, I just stopped. At first, my nails kept breaking, but now they are getting strong. I know nailbiting is a self-soothing activity, like sucking your thumb. I could start biting them again, to see if it helped, except that I can't bite them now. I just can't.

I was talking to my online moms group about my anxiety over paying for college, and asking them whether they thought I should try drugs or booze to ease my distress. There wasn't a clear answer, but I think I should try exercise. Lord knows I could stand to lose some weight, and maybe I would be too tired to flutter around trying to figure out what to do with myself.

20 or so days until the pool opens...maybe I'm getting anxious because it's been so long since I swam nearly every day. I can't wait to get back in the pool.