In real life, I think I must come across as extremely laid back, confident, easy-going, low maintenance, nonchalant, etc. I assume this is the case because other people tend to take me for granted, in a way - they don't worry about me or try to keep me entertained or soothe me with words about how fabulous I am. But inside my mind, I am extremely needy and desperately crave attention and love and adoration from others, even though all those things also make me feel embarassed.
Anyway, the target I currently feel almost desperately in need of attention from is my madrigals teacher (MT). He's just a lovely man. He seems to know exactly how other people in the class need to be treated - the same kids who were shaking in their boots last semester have gained so much confidence. After class lets out, MT is always surrounded by a swarm of my fellow students, all of whom seem to have no problem seeking attention from him.
And I always slink out of the classroom without saying a word, even though I would like to swarm around him and chit-chat, talk politics, maybe go out to coffee with him, or invite him to sing with my choir at our pops concert, or something...
It's a totally platonic crush. I am not sexually attracted to him and I harbor no romantic feelings towards him, I just want to be friends with him, and I can't even figure out how to make friends anymore.