I have an appointment first thing in the morning with a therapist, and since I have been less than honest with past therapists, I decided to write down everything that I'm feeling right now, so I can hold myself accountable -- and bring the list with me tomorrow so I can remind myself of what's bothering me even though my urge to put the best possible spin on things will be overwhelming.
- child of abusive alcoholic
- unhappy
- cannot focus or remember things
- feel detached
- no energy
- can't deal with day to day living
- can't think clearly
- feeling very Flowers for Algernon - like I get more stupid every day
- restlessness
- stressed out
- let minor problems become crises before I can muster up the energy to deal with them
- rarely have fun anymore (must qualify - I have fun sometimes, but it's not necessarily in the situation I would have chosen)
- unable to make small talk
- trouble controlling my temper, particularly over small things
- no social life outside of family activities
- no fun - used to have hobby (community theater) that brought me a great deal of pleasure and meaning, and I cannot engage in it anymore because of my declining physical condition, preponderence of familial obligations and lack of support
- overeating
- no self-confidence
- used to be good at some activities (creative writing), but I've lost whatever gift I once had
- feel invisible, unwanted, unacknowledged, or only noticed for negative things
I'm taking bets: how many years of therapy will I need to feel better?
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