SEX

Loki got a very special* Father's Day present this year. He was looking for Sio, and he walked in on her and her boyfriend making out. I believe the boyfriend's hand may have been under Sio's shirt.

That night, after the boyfriend went home, and Sio was asleep, Loki asked me if I had talked to her about sex.

"Of course!" I said.

"Well what did you tell her?" he asked.

"I told her this: sex is a wonderful thing. It feels good, and there will come a time when you really want to have sex. But women have to be careful, and not just to protect your feelings. There are real negative consequences that can do more than just make you feel heartbroken: unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, for example. Of course, you can use contraception and condoms, but there are failure rates for both of those. You're a living example of contraception failure. So right away, you need to look at the failure rates and decide if the risk is worth it.

So maybe you decide it is worth it. You have to plan to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. The time to make your decision about whether or not you are going to have sex is *before* you are in the throes of passion. You can't go on the pill on Monday and expect to be protected on Tuesday. And frankly, I don't think you should *ever* have sex with a man who makes a stink about wearing a condom. A guy who protests wearing a condom does not respect you enough to be worth the trouble.

My hope is that you will come to me before you decide anything. The decision is yours, but I want to make sure you are safe. My hope is that you will put yourself first - don't defer your dreams for the thrills of sex, don't let it distract you from your goals. My hope is that you will wait until you're an adult, and in a better position to handle the negative consequences should you experience them. But no matter what, you can always, always come talk to me and we will work through everything together."

Loki was a little concerned that my attitude was too permissive, but I had to remind him that this is Sio we're talking about. She has a good head on her shoulders, and she has a long history of making wise choices.

"You just have to trust her to make a good decision about this," I said. "If you want to be the bad guy, go ahead, but that makes it easier for her to ignore your opinions and defy your wishes. You'll be the enemy, and the boyfriend will be the man on her side. Is that how you want it to be?"

"No," he grumbled. "I just wish they didn't have to grow up and deal with men. Men are assholes."

"Not all of them, not all the time," I said.

"Yes, they are, all of them, all the time," he said.

"Let's just go to sleep," I said.

*the same kind of special you feel when the dentist tells you you need a a root canal.