1/15/2013

Magical Thinking

When I was married, we had a lot of crisis, or were always near a crisis. I have to claim some credit for this, in classic adult child of alcoholic style, I craved a certain amount of chaos and subconsciously worked to make sure it would happen. I engaged in some magical thinking as we moved through our various crises, and my magical thinking worked like this: I am stressed out and managing a lot of stuff, but because of all this crisis and suffering, nothing truly bad can happen to me personally.

The other night, I was lying in bed next to my sweetheart, who was already fast asleep, and I was thinking about how peaceful and serene my life is now, and all of a sudden, I thought - now I've opened myself up for something terrible to happen. Now I'm going to get breast cancer, or something.

Who needs enemies when this is how your brain works?

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