I know, who cares?

Just an update on my last post, which was more than 2 months ago. A week after I posted that, I went out on a date with a very quiet gentleman, and I'm still dating him two months later. I'm pretty fond of him, although sometimes I'm not sure if it's because of him or because he's pretty much the opposite of my ex-husband. But he thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread, and that makes me feel pretty good.

My new dating life

I have officially put my feet in the pool, and I'm dating.


My first date went really spectacularly well, and we're definitely seeing each other again. There was definitely a spark of something there.

I went on a first date with another man this past weekend, and had a good time. Not the same spark, but he was easy to talk to and I would go out with him again...although maybe he wouldn't want to go out with me again, since I haven't heard from him since ! Oh well, I don't even feel bad about being rejected.

I just got off the phone with another man, who appears to be and based on his date of birth is older than me, but I felt like I was talking to a teenager, he sounded so young and he was nervous and giggly - it was actually kind of cute.

I'm kind of rooting for date #1, because I really like him a lot and the more I talk to him the more I like him, but I don't think either one of us are ready to commit to anything serious yet. But who knows?

I've now dated more at age 40 than I did in my teen years all put together.

I should probably just shut this down

But what the heck, I actually have some changes to talk about.

I've been divorced for nearly 8 months now. My therapist and I talked it over and decided I'm doing so well that I don't need to see him anymore. I kind of miss him, though, he thought I was funny.

It's been over a year since my marriage ended, and I decided that it was time to start dating. So I told some friends to keep their eyes open if they knew anyone who might be interested, and I set up a profile on a dating site. A few people contacted me, and I e-mailed back and forth with one of them in particular.

And this past Friday, I went on my first first date since the late 80s.

We decided to meet at a coffee place, and I got there first, and I was so nervous I was literally shaking - needless to say, I did not partake of any coffee.

But when my date arrived, it was so comfortable and not awkward I was surprised, and I relaxed and just had a great time. He was cute and sweet and charming and funny and smart, and we decided to go get dinner, so we left the coffee place. And then we just talked until the restaurant closed.

I think I'm still on a high from that date, and we've planned a second one. I don't know if this is the beginning of something permanent, but I really just want to get out there and have some fun, and this seems like a good place to start.

Where Things Stand

Unfortunately, our buyer withdrew her offer so we are signing a contract with a realtor tonight to list the house for real. That's the bad news. I'm hoping we can sell quickly, I'm so ready to move on and live someplace where my ex-husband doesn't have keys to the house.

It was one year ago today that I started seeing a therapist because I was having so much trouble communicating with Loki - he had become so defensive that he interpreted every statement as an attack. And in about 4 weeks, it will be the anniversary of when I found out he had an internet girlfriend. It's been the fastest year of my life so far.

I've decided that 2011 is going to be my Renaissance year. I'm going to go back to school, have my own place set up the way I like it, and help Maeve be a better student and to better develop all of her gifts.

Wish me the best for a speedy house sale!

blah blah blah (if you are related to me, you can skip this post)

So, tomorrow will be the 4th monthiversary of my divorce. I have visited the various stages of grief, some more than once, but mostly things are good now. We have sold our house, with an asterisk because our buyer wants to sell her house before we close. So I'm moving forward with various projects because we will be listing the house early in July, in case our buyer's house doesn't sell quickly.

The hardest things to cope with are the occasional bouts of loneliness, which generally strikes me when it's too late to call other people, and a big part of that loneliness is that I miss having an intimate relationship with someone. Yes, I'm talking about sex. This is by far the longest dry spell I've had in my adult life. I am not a person who can be casual about sex, so I don't see any solutions that involve other people anytime in the near future.

So that problem has to go on the back burner, and instead I'll deal with what's in front of me - I still have a lot of stuff to do around the house. I am taking an aquafitness class starting later this month. I need to start thinking about what I'm going to do when the house is sold. I need to take care of myself, eat right, exercise more, do all those things that everyone should do.

Update

At the end of this week, I will be divorced for 2 months. It feels more like a divorce now, because he's not around the house very much.

I have been working my butt off (not literally, I think I've actually gained weight) getting the house ready. It is a lot of work! I have been maintaining the areas I've cleaned fairly well, at the very least, I equalize them once a week so for at least one day a week they are clean and free of clutter.

I did a lot of decluttering this weekend. Back when Sio's boyfriend and his brothers came to help me clean out the basement, they discovered some of those Rubbermaid totes, so they brought them up to the living room, where they sat for months. Saturday morning, I pulled them apart and started several bins: one for stuff I wanted to keep for me and Maeve, one for Loki's stuff, one for photos & pictures (which we'll have to go through to divide), and one for stuff I didn't want, or wasn't sure whether it belonged to anyone in particular. I'm happy to say that this last bin is the most full, in fact, it's overflowing.

I also did some work in the dining room, which was sort of our catch-all room. I took care of some of the clutter that had become invisible to me because I had seen it so much - like the tinsel on the dining room chandelier, a decoration from some Christmas past that I just stopped noticing. While I cleaned, I watched a marathon of Hoarders: Buried Alive, which kept me motivated to work a little harder.

We (and by we, I mean I) am going to have a tag sale this Saturday. I have some larger furniture items but it's mostly going to be small stuff. I hope to make enough money to pay someone to do a real deep cleaning on the house - although I hope to get the floors done first, since that will be pretty dusty. It's not looking good for getting the house listed before the end of April, but hope springs eternal.

Deadlines

I'm feeling a sort of giddy anxiety right now, because I just made an appointment with a realtor. I have 2 weeks and a day to get the house presentable. I guess I know what I'll be doing every evening and for the next two weekends!

Everything's different, nothing's changed

Only, maybe, slightly rearranged.

Next Tuesday will be the one month-iversary of my divorce, and I can't help but think of these lyrics from the song "Sorry/Grateful" from the musical Company. Everything *is* different, but nothing has changed.

I'm still in the house, and working on getting it fixed up. I keep running into the problem of not having enough money, because the ex has cut back on his work hours and has lots of financial problems of his own (and of his own making, as many of his problem are related to his reckless driving). He still claims the address as his own, although we only see him 1 or 2 days a week, which is fine for me, but it hurts me to see that he's put his children on the back burner.

Despite the financial squeeze and all the work on my to-do list, M. and I are having fun together. Things feel easier because we don't have to take the needs of my ex into consideration. The amount of time spent waiting has declined to almost nothing. I'm on time to work and everything else.

My dad has been helping renovate my half bath, and that's almost finished. By the end of the week, it will probably be completed. I'm trying to decide whether I should just put the house on the market now or try to do a few more things, but with money being the way it is, I may be forced to do the former, which sucks because it really isn't a huge amount of money that is required to make the house better, but it's more than I have, and more than I can hope the ex to contribute.

Twitter Throughout The Ages

Sadly, No is always good for a laugh, but they are killing me with their Twitter Throughout The Ages posts. Do yourself a favor and check it out.