Everything's different, nothing's changed

Only, maybe, slightly rearranged.

Next Tuesday will be the one month-iversary of my divorce, and I can't help but think of these lyrics from the song "Sorry/Grateful" from the musical Company. Everything *is* different, but nothing has changed.

I'm still in the house, and working on getting it fixed up. I keep running into the problem of not having enough money, because the ex has cut back on his work hours and has lots of financial problems of his own (and of his own making, as many of his problem are related to his reckless driving). He still claims the address as his own, although we only see him 1 or 2 days a week, which is fine for me, but it hurts me to see that he's put his children on the back burner.

Despite the financial squeeze and all the work on my to-do list, M. and I are having fun together. Things feel easier because we don't have to take the needs of my ex into consideration. The amount of time spent waiting has declined to almost nothing. I'm on time to work and everything else.

My dad has been helping renovate my half bath, and that's almost finished. By the end of the week, it will probably be completed. I'm trying to decide whether I should just put the house on the market now or try to do a few more things, but with money being the way it is, I may be forced to do the former, which sucks because it really isn't a huge amount of money that is required to make the house better, but it's more than I have, and more than I can hope the ex to contribute.


konagod said...

As you know, the things "to do" are never-ending. But a can of paint is cheap so if there's any area that simply could use a little sprucing up, that's a cheap improvement.

Where are you planning to move? Downsizing I assume?

maurinsky said...

I was hoping to list the house before the end of this month. I don't know how long it will take to sell, but I can't really move until it sells. I'm hoping it goes fast - it will be lower priced than any other house in our neighborhood has sold for since we bought it in 1999. And our neighborhood is desirable. Even with all I'm doing, it's still going to be a fixer-upper for whoever buys it.

maurinsky said...

And yes, I'll be downsizing. If I can get a mortgage, I'll look for a condo or a small ranch house; otherwise, I'll rent for a while and put the proceeds from my house into a CD or something, until I do qualify for a mortgage.

Tracy said...

I was going to suggest the usual banker mantra of taking out a home equity line of credit if you want to stay in the house for a while, but if you want to get out soon, that wouldn't make sense. You'd end up either paying a higher interest rate or a penalty.

Come live near us! We've got a few houses in the hood and Simsbury has an awesome school system.

maurinsky said...

I'm not really in the looking stage yet, but Simsbury is lovely - I just really need to be close to public transportation, since I have a 10 year old car with 100K on it.

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Lokabrenna said...

Maybe you want to stop using me as your preferred scapegoat/punching bag on your blog? My real $ concerns are the $1000s of debt you yourself have created for both of us. My last 2 tickets cost me a total of $35 (1 was nollied). One minute you're not comfortable with me in the same car or house with you, the next 'we only see him 1 or 2 days a week.' Please pick one.

It was your suggestion last year that I drop one of my nights for health reasons. And this helped provide the motivation for us to renegotiate our mortgage. It's too bad that now it suits you to regret that recommendation.

I don't rant about you on any website anywhere. But if you think I don't have complaints of my own, or that our marriage falling apart is a mostly one-sided deal where I just continue dropping the ball, both before it and after, then you're not being honest with yourself. Or with your readers.

My suggestion: Stop taking petty shots at me online because they make you feel good. Ask your therapist if scapegoating me the way you do, and publicly, is really all that mature or constructive.

Since it has suited you for quite a number of years to cast me as 'The Bad,' however, this activity may put you in your comfort zone. And I certainly don't need more blame, in this case the blame for denying you that relief. So if it really makes you feel good to heap the sins of an ended marriage all on me, then please just go right ahead and keep on keeping on. Hopefully, it will continue to work for you.

Radoparado said...

just go right ahead and keep on keeping on :)

Be one said...

But a can of paint is cheap so if there's any area
that simply could use a little sprucing up, that's
a cheap improvement